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How Denial Works: Denial in General and Mormon Denial in Particular

November 29, 2005

version 2

Word formated version of this document:  how_denial_works.doc

Whether we like it or not, each of us is constrained by limits on what we can do and feel. To ignore these limits leads to denial and eventually to failure. To achieve excellence, we must first understand the reality of the everyday, with all its demands and potential frustrations.  Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

All forms of tampering with human beings, getting at them, shaping them against their will to your own pattern, all thought control and conditioning is, therefore, a denial of that in men which makes them men and their values ultimate.  Isaiah Berlin

Introduction

This essay’s purpose is to examine denial’s roots and its implications for those of us who wish to understand as much as possible about where our blind spots are likely to be.

After I found the historical and other data that clearly indicated Mormonism was not what I thought it to be, I was still deeply troubled by various aspects of my Mormon experience.  In particular, where did the “spiritual experiences” I had while Mormon come from?  How it was possible that I could have felt so certain that Mormonism was “true”?  And why did so many intelligent people also profess to have had experiences similar to mine while continuing to be (apparently at least) devout orthodox Mormons?  As I came to understand how denial works, I saw my Mormon spiritual and social experience in a different light.  This mostly resulted from finding parallel experiences in many other religious cultures, including extremely intelligent people who held literalist beliefs that I had no trouble dismissing as irrational.  There was so little difference in substance between these beliefs and Mormon beliefs as I had come to understand them, that I came to feel comfortable trusting my rational faculties as far as Mormonism was concerned, and I recognized that it was largely a matter of limited perspective and my connection to a Mormon family and community that was responsible for my beliefs, as well as those of other “obviously” irrational people (young earth creationists; Muslim suicide bombers; holocaust deniers; Jehovah’s Witnesses; etc.).

This essay started out as part of a much longer piece of analysis I was doing on the process of recovering from the kind of conditioning Mormonism administers to its faithful.  However, that project bogged down as I felt I had understood enough of what had attracted my attention to it, and other concepts began to seem more important.  However, the material I had collected with regard to how denial works seemed like it might be helpful enough to other people that I have carved it out and will make it publicly available as it is.  If it seems rough around the edges, I have just explained why.

As is usual for me, I present this on an “as is, where is” basis, without apology.  I don’t have the time or desire at this point to polish my “notes” into something worthy of real publication, but since I continue to have people write to me with thanks for making what has been helpful to me available to others, I will continue to do so.

I should note for the record a couple of other areas of research related to denial that fascinate me, and are the subject of my ongoing (if sporadic) study as time and energy permit, but are outside the scope of what I have written here.

First, in some ways humans have an amazing ability to process small amounts of information rapidly and accurately.  See Malcolm Gladwell’s “Blink”, Gerd Gigenenzer’s “The Adaptive Toolkit” (see http://www.edge.org/3rd_culture/gigerenzer03/gigerenzer_index.html) and John Gottman’s research regarding marriage (http://www.gottman.com/ and http://www.artsci.washington.edu/newsletter/Autumn00/Gottman.htm).  On the other hand, there are vast areas of perception that have been shown to be faulty.  This essay outlines many of those.  It is possible to create a map showing the areas of personal and social interaction in which we are likely to use our best perceptive capacities, and those where we are more likely to be faulty.  I intend to at some point do that, or find someone else’s analysis that performs the same function.  To my knowledge, nothing like this yet exists.

Second, the question of how to deal with our propensity for denial fascinates me.  That is, once we have a pretty good idea what causes denial and hence when and where we are likely to be subject to it, what can we do about that?  The short answer is that we should rely upon the judgment of others when we know we are at risk, just like after having more than two drinks I no longer trust my instincts as to whether I am fit to drive.  I follow mechanistic rules in that circumstance that have to do with how much I have had to drink, when I drank it, etc. before I will under any circumstance let myself behind the wheel.  And I do this because I know my judgment is compromised by more than a certain small amount of alcohol.  The same is true with regard to the psychological and social forces that cause denial.  However, the simply formula I have just indicated is the tip of a huge, interesting iceberg about which a massive amount of worthwhile research has been conducted.  See  http://www.findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m0IBS/is_1_28/ai_82351480 for some useful additional ideas in this regard.

 

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Posted in Mormon, Post-Mormon.

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Do Smart Mormons Make Mormonism True?

A PDF version of this Document: http://goo.gl/JvlTY

And Answers to Other “Tough Gospel Questions” in Reply to a
Faithful Mormon Scholar’s Defence of Mormonism

bob mccue

June 20, 2004

Version 3

Nothing falsifies history more than logic. François Guizot

Introduction

In a June 13, 2004 article on page B7 of the Observer/Faith & Reason section of Calgary Herald (“Mormons See Joseph Smith as genius, beloved prophet”), Dr. David C. Wright, a professor of history at the University of Calgary and a faithful member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (commonly referred to as the “Mormon Church”) provided a classic example of the kind of defence well- educated Mormons mount in favour of their faith and its founder, Joseph Smith.

I empathize with Dr. Wright’s indication that the feeling in his men’s group at a Mormon Church was somewhat depressed while considering David Hedley’s May 30, 2004 Herald article (“Leaving the Fold”) that described some aspects of Mormon history and belief, and included an excerpt from a written interview I provided to Mr. Hedley. An expanded version of the information I gathered for that interview can be found at the web address noted above under the title “Answers to the Most Common Questions I Am Asked About Leaving Mormonism”.

I recall being affected as was Dr. Wright and his men’s group by the few things critical of the Mormon faith that made it onto my radar screen while I was a faithful Mormon. And, I understand the palpable relief that many Mormons will feel after reading Dr. Wright’s response. He is, after all, a respected scholar whose opinion should bear weight. Many if not most of the faithful will conclude that, “If it is good enough for someone like Dr. Wright, it is good enough for me”, and dismiss all contrary opinion as the inane ramblings of those who are deceived as a result of their ignorance, sin, pride, lack of humility, etc. That is the effect, intended or not, of most Mormon and other religious apologetic writing – it gives the believers the excuse they need to ignore disconfirming evidence, and so to continue in their beliefs, however erroneous. This facilitates continued ignorance, and avoids the pain that learning often requires.

Dr. Wright is a respected academic whom I have not met. I suspect that he is similar to my father and many of his Mormon university professor friends among whom I was raised in Orem, Utah (near Brigham Young University) and then Victoria, British Columbia where Dad taught history for over 30 years at the University of Victoria. These people are generally typical Mormons in terms of their good intentions, neighbourliness, etc.

Practising Mormons are fine people, by and large. I bear them no grudge. I regret that their feelings may be hurt by my speaking publicly about my former beliefs as a practising Mormon, and the manner in which those beliefs were in my view shaped by the suppression of information within the Mormon community. However, I believe that it is so important that the code of silence among the few who are aware of these things within the Mormon community be broken that the imposition of discomfort on people whom I respect, and in many cases love, is required. And I believe that the pain that many will feel as they address these issues will be helpful to them and others in the longer term.

I wish I had access to the type of information I provided to Mr. Hedley as I was maturing within the Mormon community, and so feel that the right thing for me to do at this point in my life is to be prepared to bear some discomfort in order to live by the standard set down by Christ and many other religious leaders and wise people in what is known in the Christian community as the Golden Rule – do to others what you would like them to do (or to have done) to you. The same rule, under different names, is part of most other religious and faith traditions that have been of consequence throughout human history, many of which preceded the Christian tradition.

As the philosopher Hans Georg Gadamer wrote, true learning almost always involves “undeception”, and is painful. The pain suffered in this regard is the price paid for the opportunity to grow that learning affords both to those who suffer, and more importantly, to the younger generations who take their cues largely from their older, and presumably wiser, family and community members who are entrusted with the duty to look after the interests of those who follow them. Mormon leaders, in my view, have breached this trust by attending first to the interests of the Mormon institution and as a result often harming trusting individuals. People like Dr. Wright, wittingly or not, aid this ill-conceived project.

One of the things that fascinates me about the Mormon and other similarly authoritarian, information suppressing cultures is how scholars such as Dr. Wright (or me as I was for many years as a practising tax attorney who was also a faithful Mormon), whose minds are proven to function well in contexts away from religion, have such a clearly demonstrable inability to deal in what outsiders to their faith would likely consider a rational manner with matters concerning their religious beliefs.

Another way to frame this issue is to wonder how different groups of intelligent, honest, well-intentioned people could consider the same body of data and come to radically different conclusions, and why those within a faith tradition have a predictable tendency to put much less weight on evidence that convincingly disconfirms their faith than do almost all outsiders, whether interested in religious matters or not. It is the nature of this insider – outsider dichotomy that has held my interest for some time. In this essay, I will attempt to shed some light on this and other topics related to Dr. Wright’s article.

I note that when I say, “Mormons do” this or that, or “Mormons believe” this or that I am speaking about my perception of trends, and in particular those trends that are encouraged by the Mormon leadership. And I don’t mean to imply that all Mormons believe the same thing or act the same way. Mormonism is not one religious belief system that affects everyone at all times in the same way. Mormonism in Joseph Smith or Brigham Young’s day was radically different than it is now in terms of belief, community behaviour. And Mormonism today in a small town in Africa or South America is radically different in some ways from what it is in Utah, and in NYC it is different again. And, even within a single Mormon community you will find many different types. Some are ultra faithful and others might disbelieve much of Mormon orthodoxy while continuing to actively participate nonetheless. But, there is in my view much less variation of belief and behaviour within Mormonism than most other mainstream faiths.

I thank a variety of my Internet based colleagues (in particular those on the rather rough and tumble www.exmormon.org discussion board) who helped me to tighten my reasoning by providing ideas, as well as reading and critiquing early drafts of parts of this essay.

Read the rest of this in PDF format: http://goo.gl/JvlTY

Posted in Mormon, Post-Mormon, Spirituality.

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Jon Haidt And “The Happiness Hypothesis” – A Long Book Review

The following is something I will send to my clients shortly. It is still in draft form, but I thought some here might find it useful.

[here is a eBook formatted version of the complete letter]

Happiness Hypothesis letter – April 2008

Dear *:

Re: Jon Haidt’s “The Happiness Hypothesis”

I thought you would enjoy the enclosed book on CD. Please accept it with my best wishes. This had been intended as a Christmas gift, then a New Year’s gift, then a Chinese New Year’s gift. One thing after another delayed this letter. So, now “The Happiness Hypothesis” (“THH”) is an April 30th (tax filing day in Canada) gift. I hope that it will make those of you writing large cheques that day feel a bit better.

THH’s author, Jon Haidt, is an up-and-coming social psychologist who teaches at the University of Virginia. THH is one of several books that were published during the past couple of years that treat this topic, and is head of the class.[1]

As its title suggests, THH is about what makes us happy. However, it covers a lot of territory while telling that story. Most of us will find something here that is useful when dealing with customers and colleagues at work, loved ones at home, or looking in the mirror.

This review is long and dense enough that you may want to save it for reading on a plane, or for putting yourself to sleep at night. It is set up so that the main ideas are captured in the section immediately below, plus the conclusion. This amounts to about eight pages. The remainder of the letter summarizes THH in its entirety as well as setting it in context. That amounts to an additional twenty pages and enables my personal objective with regard to a book of this quality – to summarize a lot of useful information in a conclusion I can remember and hence use to influence my behavior.

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Posted in Spirituality.

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The Pill at 50 – Complex Systems and The Evolution of Social Institutions

I read an interesting article on the plane from Victoria to Calgary on Saturday. Excellent piece of journalism.

I share this not so much because of my interest in the history of birth control, but rather because of the way in which illustrates the complexity of social organisms, and how one thing leads unexpectedly to the next. This is consistent with complexity theory. Relatively small changes that deal with the basic rules on which the system functions can quickly produce spectacular mutations. Relatively small change in the degrees of choice exercised by individuals within the system are one of those basic issues.

Regardless of which side of the birth control debate one was on or how one feels about the way things have turned out in that regard, it would be agreed that the consequences of giving women more control over their reproductive processes have been vastly different and more far-reaching than was anticipated. The same will, I believe, be said with regard to many other cultural battles now being fought. As the choice genie is released from the bottle, we tend to change in ways that are unimaginable prior to its release. And once changed, there is no going back.

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Posted in Democracy, Post-Mormon, Spirituality.

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Skydiving as Post-Mormon Therapy

For the last two Sundays, I attended Sky Church. The meetings involve confronting primal fear, and staring it down. This is done on the basis of a desire to fly, an intellectual understanding of the tiny risks you are in fact facing if you choose to do so. Then, while either staring down your demons, or more likely having pushed them from your consciousness, you step out of an airplane and become a bird.

I celebrated this mass for the first time on Sunday, August 2, and three times again yesterday on Sunday, August 9. My two oldest sons were initiated with me. I don’t expect to have a better bonding experience with either of them.

Okay, I exaggerated a bit. It’s not quite as simple as just stepping out of the plane and flying. First, you are hit by an 85 mile an hour wind and completely disoriented. Then, you have to do something that seems profoundly stupid, and dangerous. You have to put yourself into the most vulnerable possible position — head looking up away from the ground that you so desperately want to find; pelvis thrust out as far as you can thrust it; legs and arms spread eagled and trailing behind. Nothing in you wants to do this. Your flight or fight system is screaming — “Curl up and get ready for the worst, or a least look down and try to figure out where the hell the ground is!”. But if you do that, you spiral out of control, and if you do what your instructor has told you to do (“Arch! Arch! Arch!”), and everything that you know about aerodynamics says that you should do when falling out of an airplane, you will fly.
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Posted in Post-Mormon, Science, Spirituality.

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Some Thoughts About Bridge Building Between Religious And Other Conflicting Cultural Groups

The following is a lightly edited version of the note I sent to a physicist/neuroscientist with whom I participate on a science and religion e-mail list. I have immense respect for this fellow. However, we have been politely disagreeing with regard to the strategies that are most likely to be helpful to people who want to try to take the sharp edges off religious behavior. My friend has taken the position that some of the insights into fundamental reality offered by quantum theory, quantum mechanics, etc. may be helpful in that regard. I had earlier indicated to him that I did not believe quantum theory to be relevant to the realm of human perception and behavior (he agreed), and therefore did not believe strategies based on the mystery, beauty, etc. of the quantum world were likely to be helpful to changing the way in which the religious aspect of the human world works. He asked me to set out my alternative suggestions for change. I responded as follows:

Thanks Stan. I have several quantum mechanics (QM) for laypeople books at home, but am always interested in hearing recommendations from people whose opinions I respect. You and Helmut both certainly fall into that camp.
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Posted in Post-Mormon, Science, Spirituality.

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Paradox In Religious Belief And Practice

This meditation is inspired by an article from the NY Times a friend recently sent me that was written by an intellectual, “born again Catholic”, who eloquently described the paradoxical nature of her re-acceptance of her childhood faith. I have cut and pasted the article at the end of this piece. It is worth reading. I can’t say the same for the paragraphs that immediately follow.

I have not been a fan of those who revel in the “living on the cusp of paradox” paradigm that attracts many religious people who are intellectually oriented. That has always seemed a cop-out to me. It did while I was Mormon, and until recently still did. Things either make sense, or they don’t. Or perhaps better put, there is a continuum on which an item or belief’s sensibility, workability, functionality, etc. can be placed. If something is nonsensical or doesn’t work well enough, find something that does. That may be a pain in ass, but we can get over a lot more than we think we can once we get at it. So as I have told many of these folks, stop bitching about how paradoxical your life is, and find something that works for you. What I had missed is that for some people, whether they can admit this or not, the paradox works.
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Posted in Post-Mormon, Science, Spirituality.

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The Story Of The Mormon Apostate And The Muslim Ward Mission Leader

So, here I am sitting in my bathrobe, ready for bed and checking my Internet messages before hitting the sack. I’ve had a wonderful, relaxing evening. My wife made a great salmon salad, garnished with all kinds of things I can’t even identify. That was washed down with a large glass of wine while watching American Idol (I had told my kids that the are watching the birth of a star in this Adam kid). And then, what watching a comedy program, I enjoyed one of my first homemade martinis. My horizons are expanding. As a result, I am way mellow at this point.

And for some strange reason, I’m reminded of a story that feels like it needs to be told before I go to bed. So here goes.

I was on a business trip recently that involves stops in Houston, Dallas and Phoenix. The most hectic part of the trip was Houston. I had to make four meetings, scattered across different parts of town, during the course of one day. I picked up a taxi at the airport in the usual way. A somewhat hard to understand Indian gentleman who drove the taxi gave me his business card, and implored me to call him the next day if I needed a cab back to the airport. I ordinarily don’t do that, but because I was so pressed for time between meetings, I decided to give him a call and see if he would be prepared to meet me at my last meeting downtown, take me to a meeting out on the fringe of the city, and then wait for me so that I could make my plane at the end of the day. He agreed to take me out of town for my last meeting, and said that he would arrange for another cab to take me to the airport. He had something else that he needed to do that evening.
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Posted in Spirituality.

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The Pros And Cons Of Raising Children Within Mormonism

Twice during the last week I’ve been asked the same question by successful, highly educated people who are at this moment peering with trepidation through the fog around the edges Mormonism toward the unknown (for them) beyond. That question is whether I could provide them with a list of the pros and cons with respect to removing children of various ages from Mormonism, and attempting to raise them in an on Mormon environment. I have been asked something similar more times than I can count, and until now have not felt motivated to attempt to systematically compile a response. I invite anyone who wishes to do so to help me with that. If you don’t want to read further, just note your ideas with regard to the pros and cons below.

As some of you know, I am a big believer in the wisdom of the crowd. See James Surowiecki’s “The Wisdom of Crowds” for more in that regard. One of the best ways to access the wisdom of the crowd with regard to the topic I described above is to, simply, find a knowledgeable crowd and ask for help. That is what I’m doing here. I am also going to post this message in a few other places, including one where I know many faithful Mormons will see it. It is important that we consider the broadest perspective possible, and it would be foolish to attempt to address this question without inviting the more thoughtful of those who have the strongest possible incentive to disagree with us to have their say.
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Posted in Post-Mormon, Spirituality.

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Life – Tightrope Or Creative Web?

One of Mormonism’s, and organized religion’s, fundamental premises is that the basic elements of our lives must be as they are. God created the cosmos, the Earth, and us. God mandated certain types of relationships. God mandated certain forms of social institutions. Etc.

As reality comes into better focus, one of the first things we realize is the miraculous nature of most of what we thought had to be just as it is. For example, why is there something of any kind, instead of nothing at all? The wisest among us cannot answer that question. Far from being travelers at a routine way station, each and every one of us is a flat-out miracle.

The same applies with regard to many of what we regard as life’s mundane aspects. What about the feelings created when two people fall in love? What about the radically different, but no less amazing, feelings that slowly form over the course of a long life shared with others in various ways – with an intimate partner while raising children and contributing to a community; with the arts or other causes? What about the feelings we have as we watch the lives of those for whom we care the most unfold in their unique ways?

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Posted in Post-Mormon, Spirituality.

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